I try so hard not to allow my blog to become all whiny and emotional and full of complaining. But I think the reason I have had such terrible blog block is because I just need to get some things off of my mind. So...WARNING...this is going to get whiny and emotional. I wish I could be more inspirational for all of you today, but I think I need for you guys to me that for me instead. I won't blame you, however, if you want to leave now.
So here goes...I realize that this is a tough time for everyone right now and the economy is the major cause, but I probably could deal a little bit better if it wasn't for everything else. Zachary has not slept through the night in over a week and wakes me regularly every night because he is afraid, or he wants to watch something else on TV, or he wants some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I have been making sandwiches in the middle of the night for the past week. I am exhausted! But he doesn't get that, he says..."I only wake you up this one time". But an hour later, he wakes me up for something else..."just this one time". I have tried explaining that I am tired, I have tried make ahead sandwiches and I have tried to show him how to change the TV. Nothing works. So I just get very little sleep. On top of that, Sydney has been crazy lately. She is chewing on everything and pees her pants constantly. She is like having a new puppy around the house. My living room furniture is ruined, we have tried to clean it but it smells like pee! I can't afford new furniture so we just spray smell good stuff on it and sit on blankets. She has chewed on electrical wires, the side of her wooden bunk beds, Logan's shoe strings, books etc. I am so afraid she is going to get hurt real bad. She is so quick and she just doesn't learn from her mistakes. And she doesn't listen to anyone no matter what we try! Then when you put her and Zachy together, its oil and water. My oldest child still at home, Alex, is failing school and always has something ugly to say to everyone in the house. I have tried everything to discipline him but, again, nothing works. My house is constantly a mess. We bought new carpet back in February and it is already ruined! It is covered in stains because nobody takes off their shoes like we tell them to, unless I am here to make them. My house is out of control! My bank account winds up $1000 overdrawn every week because we are constantly trying to mail checks early to avoid things getting cut off. Christmas is coming and all of the kids have huge lists. I never expect to get them everything on their lists, but as any parent knows, you just want so bad to give them everything and you feel terrible when you can't. And to top everything off, I am still falling apart physically! I have gained 20 pounds this year which means all of my clothes from last year don't fit. We all know how depressing that is! Then I am still in great pain everyday! My back hurts, my left leg is screaming, my feet are swelling, my neck hurts, my right arm hurts and my hands are swollen so bad I can't wear my engagement ring and my wedding band together. (I have had 4 previous spine surgeries due to many diseases of the spine). I have developed a twitch in my right eyebrow and I am always on the verge of tears. I did get my doctor to prescribe me some Xanax for times when I just can't get it together. But it really doesn't do anything but add to the guilt of it all.
I am truly sorry for all of this ranting and whining. For those of you still here, I want to say thanks for caring enough to read. I hope that by getting all of this off of my chest, I can go back to my inspirational posts. If you can relate to me, let me know in your comments. Maybe we can help each other feel better.
Monday, November 17, 2008
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12 comments:
I can completely understand where you are coming from! Just, know that you are not alone. We all have these times and at this time of year they seem to multiply. Getting it off you chest is a great way to let it go. (((HUGS)))
I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I have been getting up everynight for the last nine months because the baby will not sleep all night, and hes always up by 5-6. I so get not being able to afford anything, my husband works 50 hours a pay over time just so we can pay our bills,plau he goes to college classes two nights a week. My 13 year old is my sassy mouthy one who is mean to everyone and hates school. Plus I have been really sick and sleep for a month now. So I so get your pain, hang in there . It will get better someday, or at least that's what I tell myself to make it through the day.
If you can get through today, just today, that's all that matters. Tomorrow is not in your thoughts until it starts at midnight. Let each day live on it's own and remember that you are supported by many invisible hands.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I truly understand what you're going through and I know how hard it is to keep it together and not vent.
Venting is good and I'm so glad you did. I hope it helped you a little. Hang in there, it has to get better sooner or later.
I just wanted to say I am moved by your post, I am sorry things are so hard. I can picture what it must be like to go through the day exhausted, I can barely function on my own let alone having to take care of a family, it's amazing you can do as much as you do. It's so loving and sweet that you make the sandwiches at night. Sending you hugs and hoping you get extra support & help so you're not carrying such a heavy load on your shoulders. (Not good for your back! :( ...)
You are one heck of a woman! I just found your blog by happenstance and I can't believe what you fit into a day! I would be 6 ft under if I had to do what you do on a daily basis! Your amazing.
You are truley an inspiration, for being human, not invincable.
I think we should post our feelings on our blog, and our readers should be supportive no matter what! In a perfect bloggy world, anyway. lol
I truly feel your pain & frustration, even though I only have 4 kids (but lots of pets, does that count?). I hope it gets better for you. I know sometimes it just all pours down at once and it's so overwhelming.
xoxo
*Hugs* Aww, hon, I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I wish there was something I could do to help, even if it was just to give you a smile.
I don't know about Xanax, but I do know some antidepressants (sorry I don't know the names they weren't for me) you have to take regularly and for a while for them to make much of a difference.
Kyra takes an herbal supplement for stess that seems to help- let me know in an email or on my blog if you wnat the name- it works just that fast and she can take one or two a day as needed.
But- and this is important- EVERYONE needs help with some parts of their lives, don't ever feel guilty for taking a script or any othere kind of help you can get.
We care- vent all you want or need to, I promise you there is not one of us who hasn't gone through our own rough patches.
I'm on Yahoo IM if you just feel like you need someone to talk to let me know and we'll work that out.
The holidays, especially this year when things are so tight for so many are horribly stressful, just remember you are not alone.
Oh, I meant to tell you I LOVE your background. *hugs* I'm so glad you are on my blogroll and I popped over, it made me smile just to look at it.
although i'm not to the toddler/teenager stage, i do understand being woken up a lot and the financial issues.
it is so hard to deal with life, sometimes. and venting is a GREAT way to deal with it. you shouldn't feel guilty for sharing your struggles. that's the great thing about this blogging community--even though you may not know most of your readers, they still care about you, sympathize with you, and relate to you.
i sincerely hope that things start looking up for you soon. i myself get caught up in the worries and the struggles. but i do know that eventually it will end, eventually we will look back on it and realize how much we've grown from it.
even though it sure sucks when we're right in the middle of it!
Hang in there. It is so hard right now and I'm sure the stress of it all is also causing some health problems. I agree with the other commenter, live for today.
Thanks for sharing! It is so easy to think all the other bloggers have perfect little lives based on what I read, and that my life REALLY sucks. Hope things pick up for you soon... :)
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