Surgery is over and it's good to be home...

For those who aren't aware, I had surgery on Monday to remove my tailbone because it had been broken at some point and joined itself back together with arthritis an a 90 degree angle.
I spent Monday and Tuesday in the hospital before finally coming home. I felt pretty well up until now. They had numbed me pretty good inside but I think it is beginning to wear off. This is why I am up blogging at 4am. My oldest daughter and her fiance are spending the week with me to help with the little ones. Thank goodness! It hurts to get up and down and I still can't feel my bladder. (if that is too much information I apologize, but you might want to skip the next couple of sentences.) Back when I had my youngest by c-section, I developed a huge infected hemorrhoid because I couldn't feel my bladder and had to push very hard to pee. I had to have it cut off and it was the most pain I had ever experienced in my life. It lasted well over 6 weeks. So now I am incredibly paranoid that the same thing is going to happen again. I couldn't bear that again, especially not on top of the tailbone pain. Please pray for me. Alright, enough of that.
Zachy was here for a bit when I got home yesterday. His daddy was late picking him up. But once again, he showed me compassion, or at least that's what I believe it to be. He walked over to me with the most concerned look on his face and gave me a big ole hug. He actually got upset when his daddy showed up to get him. He said, "but it's Tuesday, I just spost stay with mommy." So sweet. But after I explained that I needed to rest to feel better, he reluctantly went along. Such a sweet guy. Even Sydney stayed close to my side, rubbing on me, patting my back and hugging me. It's nice when the compassion you give your kids comes back two-fold!

A Lesson Learned...

First of all, let me just say that I know I was wrong. But please remember as you read this, how far you would go for your child.

A little background, my daughter Cheyenne, was having problems with math. She is 11 and in 5th grade. Math has always been difficult for her and has gotten worse as time has gone by. I have purchased flash cards, had her write her multiplication tables etc. But she still doesn't know what 4x4 is unless she takes time to count it up in her head.
Her father is pretty strict with her and although he has never had to actually spank her, she is terrified that one day he might.
So after trying and trying to help her learn and not getting anywhere, I decided to ask for her daddy's help. His solution was to make her stay in her room every night while completing math worksheets he printed off the internet. I understand what he was thinking and went along for the first 2 weeks. But Cheyenne didn't get them all done and he screamed at her and promised if she didn't get them done he would, "remove her ass." (Not that he really would!)
This time he sent her home with 27 pages, a total of over 1000 very tough problems and promised if she didn't have them done in 2 weeks, he wouldn't pick her up and he would beat her butt.
Well, the kids already have an hour and a half of homework daily from school. They also have chores and shower time. Somewhere in there they have to squeeze in free time. After seeing her sit at the table for hours every day, crying and getting increasingly frustrated, I decided to help her out.
So I told her I would tell her dad that she finished all of them and that I misplaced them. She was reluctant because we taught her well when it comes to lying. I explained that she was correct to be reluctant and it isn't ok to lie, but I wanted to save her butt and allow her to see her daddy, She agreed and went along with it.
Until the next day, when she decided to come clean to her daddy. So he gets irate and calls to scream at me. I told him I was proud of her for being honest but if he hadn't been so difficult, I never would have lied to him.
Moral of the story, never lie! And if you do, don't get your child involved.

Next on the Agenda...Wedding!

Thank goodness the baby shower is done! Phew! It turned out pretty nice though and we had approximately 30 people show up. Ashlei received lots of nice things, more clothes than the baby could ever wear, bags of diapers and boxes of baby wipes. She even received lots of bath products, necessities and bottles. I figured she had done real well and would be super happy. Wrong! I forget sometimes that this is the drama queen to beat all drama queens. She actually started crying at the end of the baby shower because she "didn't get anything she really needed!" Meaning, she didn't get any of the big ticket items. And she had the audacity to make this statement with all of the people present that were gracious enough to buy all of the nice gifts she did get. I was so embarrassed and disappointed in her. I know she is pregnant and hormonal, but that was rude! I don't know how she got so spoiled. We have never had 2 nickels to rub together. But her 2 best friends decided to take her shopping and bought her a bassinet, a diaper genie and a glider. After they had already spent alot of money on the things they brought to the shower. I believe the person who had their feelings hurt the most was the baby's other grandma. She spent way more money than she really should have and purchased over 40 items of clothing, books, diapers, wipes and blankets. I felt bad watching Ashlei open all of her gifts because I wasn't ab;e to get her anything. But she made her negative, selfish comment right in front of her and I could see it hurt her feelings. I let Ashlei know later that she needs to be sure to thank her for all of the nice things she bought and make sure she knew how much it was appreciated. The problem is, Nate's momma (the baby's other grandma), only has Nate and has plenty of money. So he has always gotten everything he wanted whether he deserved it or not. So now he and Ashlei expect her to go out and buy all of the baby's stuff. I don't know why she puts up with it. But anyway...on to the wedding.
Nate and Ashlei are getting married on May 17th. Most of that expense has fallen on myself and her aunt. She is being extremely picky yet she has no money and very little time to put this thing together. All of my children are in the wedding and I am responsible for their clothing. So yet another financial bind headed my way. I am so afraid that after the way she acted with the baby shower, she is just going to wind up miserable after her wedding. We are all working real hard to make it as nice as we can with a limited budget and a months worth of planning. Hopefully, she will be happy. If not, there is really nothing more that can be done.

Baby Shower Day..

Well first of all, the IEP meeting went well, but I still couldn't get his diagnosis changed. Something about school policy requires them to test Zachy themselves before they can change his diagnosis. I don't think that's fair! If 2 different licensed physicians have already diagnosed him, why is there still a question? It makes me so mad that they can give me the run around like this. They did put a full time aide with him that will help with potty training issues. And they are allowing him to join summer school, free of charge, with a full time aide. So at least he got what he really needed for now. They plan to test him in the fall.

So today is the long-awaited baby shower. I will be glad when it is over because my daughter is driving me nuts! It wound up costing me approximately $300. And then she had the nerve to ask if I was going to buy her a present. I said, "Ashlei, this shower is your present!". She seems ok with that. But now I have to get busy cleaning and decorating. After all, my ex in laws, my future in-laws, and her future in-laws are coming. Talk about fun!

The dreaded IEP meeting today...

I have a very busy day planned. But it all starts with an IEP meeting at Zachary's school. I called a new one based on the fact that I have had to go to the school everyday for the past 2 weeks, to change Zachary's diaper. I don't understand why the school doesn't have someone that can do this. Originally they were making Zachary clean himself up. I complained about it because he is unable to clean himself properly and was coming home with dried up poo on his bottom and his legs. By the time I was able to clean him up, he had whelps from where it had sat so long. I complained to them about this situation and the fact that he can't be expected to clean himself so their solution was to call me in daily to clean him. I know for a fact that there are other children in the school that are confined to a wheelchair etc., that they have to change diapers on. Why can't they do the same for my Zachy?! After all, his is because he is Autistic, which the last time I checked, was a disability. I am so tired of fighting with the school about changing my son's diagnosis to Autism from developmental delay. They don't want to change it because it would mean they have to provide more options for him that they just don't have available. Like it is his fault that they aren't equipped to handle the kids coming into the system today. It seems none of the local schools have adequate experienced staff to deal with all of the children on the Autism spectrum. So they label them developmentally delayed. This is not fair and I am tired of it. It is time for the schools to step up to the plate and get the help these kids need. It is the law! With 1 in 150 kids being diagnosed everyday, they better get prepared. So I am on a mission this morning to get my son's diagnosis changed and force the school to get the help Zachary needs. I am also going to make them place him in a summer program in an attempt to keep him from taking 2 steps back over the summer. They need constant therapy to keep moving forward. His window of opportunity will be closing soon and they need to help me make sure he gets all of the help he can.
Speaking of Zachary, he has had a great week. Every since we got his medications, he has evened back out and has even been mildly snugly! God knows I love when he is snugly! He is really funny and sometimes he gets lost in thought about the strangest things. Yesterday he asked me why we live in a neighborhood. And then wanted to know why people on motorcycles always go "vroom, vroom" when they are slowing down. Strange the way his thought process works. And he notices things that most people don't. I am preparing to have surgery again on Monday, and I was trying to explain to him that he would have to stay with his Daddy for a few days. He wanted to know why I was having surgery, what surgery was, and again, why I was having it. He said, "why you always, um, um, um, have to do that?" I believe that was him showing concern. But trying to make him understand what it meant was impossible. Then he asked me what day it was and I told him, "it's Friday", and he said, "I am so proud it's Friday!" Me too Zachy, me too. Wish me luck at the IEP meeting. I will try to update the outcome when I get home.

48 hours til the baby shower...

Ashlei's baby shower is Saturday at 2:30. I really didn't think it would be this difficult to pull one together. But with everything else going on, I can't seem to focus. I haven't ever thrown a baby shower nor have I ever even had 1. I have gone to one once. So obviously I have no experience with the proper way to throw one. Fortunately, I have the Internet and found a really great website with all sorts of ideas. So now that I have ideas for games and all of the decorations one could stand, I have to get the infamous prizes and food. And to make matters a bit more difficult, I am on a very limited budget. I don't think it would be appropriate to serve chips and nuts with some sliced bologna. So now I have to figure out a way to make some finger sandwiches without paying the ridiculous price of $49.99 for a serving of 10-15, at the grocery store. We are expecting about 30 and I just don't think I can stomach paying almost $100 for some tiny fancy sandwiches surrounded by some inedible green stuff on a fancy shiny platter. I choose to purchase some small rolls, ham, turkey, cheese and a jar of brown mustard. I will pick up one of those cheap silver disposable trays and make my own sandwich platter for less than half the cost. Then I will get 2 bags of chips, different types, dump them in a bowl and place them with the sandwiches. I will buy a package of celery, a package of baby carrots and 2 green peppers, slice them up, throw them on a plate and put some ranch dressing in a bowl. Much cheaper than a fancy veggie tray at the deli. Then we will top it all off with some lemonade in a clean baby bathtub with ice and rubber duckies floating about for cuteness. Oh, then there is the cake. I remember when a wedding was the only time you had to have a fancy, special, perfect cake. Now it seems every time I turn around someone needs a special cake for some insignificant celebration. It wouldn't be so bad if she didn't want a cake that I would have to buy all new pans for. I have a pretty good collection of cake pans, after all, I have made many birthday cakes with all of these kids. But she wants a 3D baby carriage made in the Wilton ball pan. Have you priced this thing? Let's just say, uh...no! If I did this whole baby shower the way she wants me to, I would be out over $300. When you have as many kids as I do and you are a SAHM, you can't just crap $300 to make your hormonal, picky daughter happy. Don't get me wrong, I have been pregnant, and I understand the hormonal desire for perfection, and I know she wants things to be really nice. So do I. But I just can't afford it. So thankfully I am a thrifty girl and have a knack for finding bargains. I will make her cake but I will make it a square carriage. I will buy $1 lottery tickets as prizes with a grand prize of a $10 lottery ticket. And I have planned about 10 different exciting games that I think everyone will enjoy. And I won't have to break the bank to do it! Wish me luck!

Cleaning as a cure for depression?!

I was just watching the morning news and they said that a study shows that cleaning the house reduces depression. Well damn! Then I should be the happiest woman in the world! I spend most of my day cleaning up after someone or washing clothes and dishes. So then why do I still need a daily dose of Paxil? I don't think they got that one right at all. I think a cure for depression would be more like a vacation, a maid or a day of kid free shopping! I love my kids, I really do, but they are a lot of work and extremely demanding. So by the end of a full week of caring for them and cleaning up after them, I am feeling a bit worn out and slightly depressed. But if I get a day to just take care of me, I feel much better! So maybe these researchers should look at other aspects of a woman's life before assuming that cleaning will help cure our depression! Which brings me to another thing that really irritates me. Why do we spend so much time and money researching such crazy things? I also saw a story where researchers are saying that although the man determines the sex of a child, the woman could sway the outcome depending on what she eats for breakfast. What?! How did this research come to be? Some ladies sitting around a breakfast table discussing what they could do to turn the power of sex decision back to us?! They must not have children because I don't know about you, but I don't have time to think about what I'm going to wear. It's grab and go at my house. Maybe if all of these researchers would concentrate their efforts on more important things like a cure for cancer or even autism, then we wouldn't be so depressed!

Rainy Days and Mondays...

What a long, long, long weekend! It was what we refer to as kid weekend. Saturday was pretty decent as the weather was gorgeous. But Sunday was a complete wash out. It rained and rained and rained all day. We ended up with a little over 3" in the rain gauge by the time the day was over. Rain is wonderful and we have really needed it around here but for some reason in Virginia, its always feast or famine. So all 9 of us were stuck inside the house all day. The little ones were up early as well. And they were soon followed by the older girls who wanted to go to church. I don't choose to go to church these days, long story, I just don't. But we would never make those decisions for our children. So if they want to go, they go. However, that just made our morning a little more crazy. After they were at church and Stevie cam back home, we decided to do some rearranging of rooms. Logan has been sharing a room with Zach but he has a difficult time sleeping because Zachy has to have TV on all night and wakes up making noises periodically too. So now that Brandon is gone we decided to move Logan into the room with Alex leaving Zachy his own room. This hopefully will be a good thing because sometimes he just needs some alone time or down time and having his own room will definately be beneficial for him. But moving the rooms around created mess and mayhem. We left it up to the kids to put everything away and figure out what to do with all of their stuff. We just moved the furniture. I can't stand mess, clutter and confusion, so I was stressing most of the day. I managed to handle it all pretty well until Zach and Sydneys dad called to inform me that he didn't think he could pick them up tonight. He is supposed to have them from Saturday am through Monday am one weekend, and then from Sunday evening through Monday am the next weekend. I look forward to the break and the kids look forward to seeing daddy. But it seems like here lately, he isn't wanting to stick to the schedule. The mother of a friend passed away Friday and he said he needed to go to the viewing. But he told me Friday that the funeral was Saturday. So how is the viewing Sunday? He said he was wrong about Saturday, it was actually the first viewing and Sunday was the 2nd. So I asked him why he didn't go to the 1st one when he wasn't scheduled to have his kids. He said because he had to go to the chili cook off which he had planned for some time. So I asked him, "the chili cook off wasn't worth missing for this viewing, but seeing the kids is?" He got pissed and acted like I was being inconsiderate and telling me how he has to have a life too. I don't have a problem with him having a life, but when the kids are expecting you, you need to make sure you show up. He did, he came after the viewing, but it frustrated me so bad. Dealing with the exes is one of my least favorite activities around here. It is kinda nice that Stevie and I don't have any kids together because it gives us guaranteed time alone every other weekend. But dealing with the exes is almost more stress than trying to schedule a babysitter from time to time.
After the crazy weekend, we woke up to another rainy day and it had to be Monday as well. All of the kids woke up grouchy and not well rested. So it was alot of arguing and stomping going on. Having 2 10 year old girls can be interesting. They are going through puberty and having hormonal overloads at the same time. One minute they can't stand the sight of each other and the next minute they are asking for us to write a note to their teachers so they can sit together at lunch. Sierra is a major drama queen and loves to stomp her feet while telling us how terrible her life is. Cheyenne is more laid back but a bit goofy. She always wants to copy Sierra which makes Sierra angry. The worse part is, once we get these 2 through this stage, we will have 2 more girls to go through it. Hopefully the experience we are gaining will help us deal with it better by the time Sydney and Emma reach the age. Don't get me wrong, these 2 have their share of issues already. Sydney is the instigator/leader and Emma is the follwer/tattle tail. Their favorite game to play is monkey see-monkey do.
Hopefully the rain will clear up soon and we can get these kids back outside. Not to mention I think I am starting to mildew!

Did you know that....

I missed blogging yesterday because the cable modem went out for some reason. I didn't realize how much I depend on my internet until I had to spend a day without it. And to think that not too long ago we didn't even have the internet. I truly don't know how we all made it this far without cell phones and internet. But now that I am back up, at least temporarily, I will try to catch up. Zachys meds finally came in and surprise surprise, he is back to normal. No outrageous behaviors, minimal aggression and played nicely with his baby sister. I hate having to give him so many meds but I hate seeing him so crazy even more. Only problem with him having his evening dose of Adderall is he is back to not sleeping through the night. So I guess it's either no sleep or deal with a mad man. I'll take one order of no sleep, hold the mad man please. At least I am pretty used to that. The package I was complaining about the other day is now gone. I took it back to the post office and this time it was $32.50 to ship. Much better than the previous quotes but still more than I planned for. So basically I paid to do this wreath instead of actually making money off of it. I will chalk that up to a lesson learned. Frankly, I am just glad it is gone. As for my preggo daughter, she is fine. Ultrasound showed baby was just laying on her cord causing the heart rate drops. They got her to move and all is well. Phew! Now we go back to planning for the baby shower, the birthdays. the wedding etc. I have my pre-op appointment today to make sure all is well for my upcoming surgery. Talk about an embarrassing position, apparently they bend you over a contraption that places your bottom up in the air to do this surgery. And from what I understand, you are only partially sedated, not fully asleep. I can only pray I have no recollection of it afterwards. I don't think I could look my doctor in the face again. And god forbid I have gas that day! The only time I can remember anything more humiliating was when I had a hemmorhoidectomy! That was not only embarrassing but extremely painful! I don't recommend that one to anyone! But I am a woman and a mom, I can do this and I can make it through stronger than I am now. After surgery I can't sit for 6 weeks! That means I will be standing or lying on my tummy for 6 weeks. Great! How is that going to work? As long as it heals well enough for me to go to Kentucky in June to see my son graduate basic training, that will be fine. I wouldn't miss that moment for anything. I haven't heard from him in a week, I knew it would be that way, but I miss him. I know in my heart he is doing well but I sure would like to hear his voice. His 18th birthday was Wednesday and I hoped he would be permitted to call, but he wasn't.
I can remember a time when my Zachy never asked questions, and I waited to hear him start the why, what, where, when stage. Well he has started it now. And he asks so many questions it gets aggravating after a bit. It wouldn't be so bad but he asks questions I just don't have the answers for. And then when I say "I'm not sure Zachary", he thinks up his own answer. Which is generally way off and if I say its wrong then he wants to know why its wrong. After a while it is very tiring. But he has managed to teach me alot of new things. Like did you know that culverts are tunnels made for the water to go under the road so that it can go back to the ocean and not get dirty? Or that a drain "goes um, um, um, down, down, and um, um, goes back up, up, and um, um, goes around and then goes um,um,um, back to where the um,um,um, hole in the yard puts the um, um, um....where does it go when it goes to the um, um, um, yard?!" This is the type of questions I get asked. How do you answer it? I just can't figure out the proper way to answer him. So then he says, "I know, it um, um, um, goes back to the um,um,um, it goes to the house by the um, um, um, by the road." I just smile and say, "that's right Zach". And he says "ya! And that's how it goes." Maybe I am wrong to just answer him incorrectly but I get so lost and confused with the ums that I just don't know what to say. Other times he is so smart and matter of fact that he cracks me up. The other day at the doctors office, the water fountain had an "out of order" sign on it. So as he usually does, he asked me what the sign said. After I read it to him, he thought for a minute and then he said, "shouldn't it say Out of Water?!" HAHAHA I said you know Zachy, you're right! He is so funny!

Frustration, aggravation and condemnation...

Well at least Zachary feels better and he had a relatively good evening yesterday, because now everything else has gone crazy again! Sydney was complaining of a stomach ache again this morning (as she has for the past 2 weeks) and I finally decided maybe she isn't just trying to get attention and I took her to the doctor. Turns out she is impacted and I am supposed to give her an enema tonight if she doesn't go on her own. Great, like I really want to do this to my poor little girl. I pray things will work themselves out today. So we leave the doctors office and I attempt to ship a package to this lady that bought one of the wreaths on my website. Well she wanted me to make it bigger than normal and I did, but I didn't realize I was going to have problems shipping it. It is 24"x24"x8" and weighs 7 pounds. UPS store wanted $134.00 to ship it and post office wanted $84.00 to ship it. WHAT?! I only charged the lady $19.95 for shipping and the whole order was only $69.95. How in the world could it cost so much to ship it. I had to use a bigger box and cut it down to size so that it would fit width wise. Maybe they went by the measurements on the box which aren't right. Because when I check it online, it says parcel post would only be $21.95. Argh! So after spending over an hour in 2 very long lines trying to get this shipped so that I can make a tiny bit of money, I still have a package and now Sydney is tired, cranky and hungry. The whole time at the post office she is playing with machines, pulling on the line chain thingy, crawling on the floor, putting her hands in the garbage and screaming no at me every time I told her to come to me. How humiliating! I wanted to discipline her but how can you discipline at the post office?! So we leave there and its off to the grocery store. I have been stuck at home for the past couple of days due to the whole flu thing, so I desperately needed cereal and milk. After all, this stuff is an absolute commodity in our house and the kids were not happy to eat leftover spaghetti for breakfast this morning. Sydney whined and cried through the entire store and of course there is only one checkout lane open and a nice line forming. By the time we got home I was at my wits end and Sydney was ready for lunch and a nap. Then my oldest daughter calls (Ashlei, the pregnant one) to tell me that her doctor appointment didn't go well today. She is 30 weeks pregnant and the baby's heart beat is irregular, apparently slows down every few minutes, so they are sending her for an ultrasound to see whats happening. And she had not gained any weight in the past 2 weeks either. They are concerned that the fluid level is low and may be leaking or that there is a knot in the umbilical cord. She is going to call me after the ultrasound to let me know whats going on. Sydney was a preemie, born at 29 weeks and she did pretty well. But it was a scary time for all of us and difficult having to leave her in the NICU for 6 weeks after she was born. She is very healthy now and we are very lucky, but if my granddaughter must come out now, will she be just as lucky? Zachary's medicine has still not come in and he is completely out of all Adderall now. Meaning it is going to be crazy around here tonight. Sydney is still not asleep which probably means she wont go and therefore she will be extra cranky, especially after I give her an enema. Alex just got home from school and is angry because someone went in his room this morning, which means he is going to be fussing all evening. Stevie has had a bad day at work because his work truck broke down. I still don't feel real well, I'm frustrated at this whole shipping thing and I have so much to get done over the next week and a half I just don't know how I'll ever get it done. After all, we have a baby shower April 26 for my daughter at my house, we have my dads 60th birthday May 10 that I am in charge of the cake for, my daughter's wedding May 17, 2 of the children's birthdays, my sons graduation from basic training in June, the granddaughters due date June 24, 2 more kids birthdays and August 2nd, my wedding. Oh, and I forgot to add, I am having surgery to remove my tailbone on April 28th! How am I supposed to do all of this stuff afterward? Who knows. But as most moms can tell you, I will find a way. But first, I want to make sure all is well with the granddaughter, second, I want Sydney to feel better, third, I want Zach to get his meds and fourth, I want to ship this stupid package so that I might be able to make a little extra money to pay for everything I have coming up. Is that too much to ask?! GRRR! Thanks for letting me vent.

The flu has hit my house...

I started feeling achy and fatigued yesterday afternoon. Then I began to run a temperature and I felt like I had been hit by a bus. Luckily Stevie got off early and was able to come home and help with the kids. Zachy came home complaining of a headache again. I am concerned that he is on the verge of his first seizure. But eventually he went out to play. Once again he was being destructive and kicked one of the gates until he broke a board off. Then he kept moving the dog house up onto the deck, I had to tell him 5 times to take it down before he pushed it down the steps. He was mad at me and tried to hit me with a stick. But I stopped him. He tried to explain to me that he wanted the puppy to be able to sleep in his house on the porch and that's why he put it up there. But I explained that it belonged on the ground. When he speaks to me and tries to explain something, it goes something like this: "I want to um, um, um, um, um, I just want to, um, um, um, um, I want that on the um, um, um, um, um, I can just put it up on the porch!" Sometimes he sounds like a record that keeps skipping, I used to help him finish his sentences until I was told not to by his speech therapist. But it's hard to let him just keep umming and starting over. I remember being amazed when he first began using adjectives somewhat properly, but he doesn't always choose the correct adjective. It's kinda cute really. Then he spent about an hour and a half using his stick to see if the branches on the tree were wiggly. He is so fascinated by the oddest things. Sometimes he has to remind me that he doesn't get my sense of humor or literal speech. I told him the sky looked like it was going to rain and he said "it looks like it's going to rain? What does looks like mean?" Its very difficult to explain I told him, it just means it looks like something else. He looked very confused and went back to playing with the tree. He had a better evening than he had, but he was still on the edge. And he ate like 5 PB&J sandwiches. Definitely not normal. He slept well but when he got up this morning he was sick too. He says his eyes are hot and his neck (throat) hurts. So he is home with me today, I am still sick as well so I am sure we will have a great time. Sydney will have to be on her own for the most part. And to make matters worse, we have all of the kids this evening. We get my stepkids every Tuesday night. So that means I have to take care of another 3 year old and fix dinner for an army feeling like I do. Stevie will help, but he most likely will have to work late. He normally does. But I will get through. At least when Zachy is sick, he is calm, sweet and cuddly. So we will spend our day cuddling and it will be heaven.

What a nice weekend..

First of all, I apologize for not blogging yesterday, but I slept in and then spent the day alone with my fiance. This is not something that happens very often. I think we have only been home alone twice in the past year and a half. Saturday night we actually went out for awhile with friends and got to just be Stevie and Jyll, not mommy and daddy. It's a nice break sometimes. I love being mommy and he loves being daddy, but if we didn't have a moment from time to time to just be us, we wouldn't be as good a mommy and daddy as we are. Then Sunday we slept in (never happens) and when we did finally get up, we sat and had an uninterrupted conversation for over an hour. Followed by a motorcycle ride. It was heaven! Now we are ready for our children to return. Zachary and Sydney were with their daddy for the weekend and they stay until Monday morning. He called me yesterday morning wanting to bring Zach home early because he was so crazy and he didn't feel like he could spend any quality time with Sydney. I told him no. What was he thinking? Just because Zach was being difficult he didn't deserve to spend time with daddy?! Not to mention, I had been dealing with Zachy all week long and was really exhausted emotionally and physically. He only sees them every other weekend, now he was trying to cut it short. He has never been real good with parenting a special needs child. Back when I started realizing that something wasn't quite right with Zach, he insisted I was trying to find something wrong and he was just a little slow. To make matters worse, his Mom made it known that he was slow as a child and that Zachy was just all boy! They resisted me and everything I was doing to find out what was wrong with my son. Sometimes they act like he has a cold and he will be fine if we just let it run its course. Fortunately for Zach, I ignored them and moved forward with all of the testing and therapy experiments. Because now my Zachy can speak, he can tell me what is troubling him most of the time instead of acting out, he can even almost engage in imaginative play. He has come so far and I truly believe it is because he began receiving therapy at 6 months of age. He has a long way to go but at least he is on the right path. I don't know if he will ever fully emerge, and I try not to focus on it. I just try to focus on his happiness and helping him have as normal of a life as possible. Today, when he returns from school, I am sure he will be a handful. After all, he still doesn't have his afternoon meds. But I am ready for him, I had a nice restful weekend and now I am ready help him have a great week!

Thank God its Friday!

Well we have cable again, it was a beautiful day outside and it is Friday. And it is not a kid weekend meaning that all of the kids go to their other parents house for the weekend. My fiance and I look forward to these weekends. Not because we don't enjoy our children, but because it gives us a chance to regroup and miss them. My fiance's name is Steve, I realized I kept forgetting to mention that. I call him Stevie, like most people. He is a hard working, gentle, compassionate, loyal and super sweet soul, wrapped in a perfectly handsome and sexy package! I thank God everyday I have him in my life. He amazes me how well he handles the madness that is my life. He even handles Zachary better than his own father does. That is amazing in its own right because I have step children too, and when they are being difficult, it is harder to maintain my cool than with my own. But somehow, Stevie does it. My little ones don't listen to him well because he can't discipline them the way I do. But they do love and trust him. And that is a wonderful thing. The same goes with his kids and me. They don't put alot into what I tell them but they respect me. Without intending to blame my children in any way, I think they are why my previous marriages failed. I chose the absolutely wrong people to have children with and then when I remarried, the new man lost his cool with my kids almost immediately. And that is something I just won't tolerate. So I divorced again and again until I found Stevie. If I can offer any advice to the women out there going through divorce with their children's father and contemplating a future marriage, it is this...make sure the new man can handle your children with kid gloves! If they show any sign of extreme frustration or annoyance when around your children, it will only escalate after he moves in and has to "deal" with them daily. Unfortunately, my guys always acted like they loved my kids and didn't show any negative signs until after the marriage. And of course the story was always the same, "What a jerk the previous guy was, your kids are great and I would be honored to be there new step dad!" Then just months into the marriage the story changed to, "now I see why your previous husband couldn't deal with your kids!" WRONG! And out the door they would go. NEXT...
Enough about that for now. Zachary had another terrible evening. He crushed the dog house, ht Sydney with a stick, threw mud in Sydney's eyes, and pushed her down a few different times.When I correct him for his actions he gets this evil look on his face and screams the loudest, highest pitch scream you have ever heard. Then he proceeds to dump over lawn chairs and throw toys. I can't understand why he has gotten so bad lately. He had been doing so well up until last week. Yes he ran out of his evening adderall, but its hard to believe that small dose in the evening could have done so much. And to think his daddy wants to wean him off of medicine all together. I am glad he is with his daddy this weekend so he can see how crazy he would be without his meds. Its not that I like him being on meds, but I believe they make his quality of life better and I am all for that. He can be such a sweet little boy. He has only begun to appreciate snuggling, and when he honors me with the opportunity to snuggle him, if only for a minute I drop everything and I hold that little boy like I have dreamed of doing for so long! It never lasts long before he is ready to go but that little moment in time makes all of the other madness worthwhile!

Chaos is my middle name...

Another crazy evening around here. Zachary has really been off kilter lately. He normally takes a low dose of Adderall when he gets home from school, but due to his doctor not writing his prescriptions 2 weeks ago, he has been out. I never realized how much of a difference it makes. He just can't contain himself. Last night he was bouncing a basketball off of Sydney's head, punching my van and trying to rip the door off of my mailbox. He was stomping flowers in my flower bead, trying to rip down my windsock and throwing rocks at people. The school called yesterday to inform me that they were going to put him back on the special ed bus beginning Monday because he is unable to remain seated and screams constantly while on the bus. He says he is ok with it because the regular bus is too noisy for him. He has a real sensitivity for sound and even has to wear earplugs when he goes to the cafeteria at lunch time. He says it hurts his ears. Maybe being on a quieter bus will help him stay calmer in the evenings. I find if he gets too stimulated, he acts out more. His meds should be in by the beginning of the week as well. He didn't sleep well last night either. He woke up at 3:30 wanting some ice to put on a "booboo" he has on his side. Then 15 minutes later, he wanted a snack and some water. A half an hour later he was up and ready to roll! Normally this happens every night but lately he has been sleeping pretty well. Another oddity he has, he has to have food when he goes to bed. And it has to be 2 items, no less, no more. He normally doesn't even eat it, but he has to have it. He also has to have a cup of water, the only thing he ever drinks, by his bed. We have tried numerous things to stop this behavior but nothing works. He simply will not sleep without these items. I know of the choking hazards etc, but since he normally doesn't eat them, I just let him have it. He also has to have tv on for the entire night. He only eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and we he does they have to be cut into 4 squares. He has no patience, so as I am trying to fix plates for kids, I have to stop what I am doing and fix his sandwich immediately. He wont let anyone else fix it either. Drives me batty! But while he is going crazy last night, Sydney didn't get a good nap and is crying about everything. Since it was the first nice weather day in awhile, my fiance and I are outside trying to wash our cars. Of course she has to help but every time I made the final rinse, she had put soap on the other side again. I practically have to wrestle her to the ground to get the sponge away from her. Finally, they all go off and play, for about 15 minutes. We come in to fix dinner, Sydney is mad cause she wants to go back outside, my fiance has to go pick up some meds at Walgreens and I am trying to fix hamburgers on the grill. Zach decided he was ready to come in meaning I had to immediately change his clothes, clean him up, change his diaper and get his video game started. When I returned to the grill, it was on fire and our burgers were charred beyond recognition. So I threw some cheese on them and called it dinner. Meanwhile of course Zach decides he wants a sandwich, YESTERDAY! He gets mad because I am taking too long and he starts rocking the chair and standing on the kitchen table. When I scolded him for it he said he was going to "cut me in half". Great! Where'd he get that from?

Want to know what love really is...

Ok, so...Brandon left for Louisville, Ky this morning to begin his 9 week basic training. I didn't cry like I thought I would, I guess it would have been worse if I had been there alone or I had to see him actually get on the plane. Fortunately, Ashlei was able to come with me. I will post photos of him getting sworn in as soon as I get off my lazy behind and go get my camera out of my van. He did call me from the airport last night to let me know he landed safely, and was incredibly excited about the moving sidewalks! Funny boy! After leaving him, Ashlei and I met up with her soon to be mother in law (who is 30 years my senior) and had lunch. All went well and the conversation centered around whether she would allow them to move in her house after the baby was born. After all, neither one of them has a job and she already pays all of their bills. It is a bit troubling that they are expecting a child and getting married, yet neither has a job. But unfortunately you can't teach experience. After lunch, we went and picked out the decorations for the upcoming baby shower. Fortunately, the new mother in law agreed to pay for them. After all, I didn't have any money. Ashlei and I got back to my house a half an hour before the kids got off of the bus. Just enough time to clean up a bit and drink a cup of coffee. I knew as soon as they got off the bus, it was going to be an interesting evening. Logan was full of stupid questions, Zachary was wide open, Cheyenne was crying because her grades had dropped on her report card and Sierra was gloating about how she made a b honor roll. So Sierra went to do homework at a friends house, I answered Logan's questions, sent Cheyenne to her room to do homework, and got Zach his medicine. After he went out back to play, Sydney came downstairs wanting to play outside too. But she had her jammies on. So I told her she could if she changed her clothes. I went to clean and about 15 minutes later, she is in the backyard, clad in her jammies, no shoes, and having a ball in the mud. I scolded her and told her one more time to come get dressed. She through a fit but upstairs she went, I went back to cleaning. She came back down in more jammies, I told her she couldn't go outside unless she got dressed. After about a half an hour of tantrum throwing, she got dressed and went outside. Phew, now everyone is happy. I sit down to watch the news only to find that they have cut off my cable due to nonpayment. Darn! Now what?! I go to check on the kids in the backyard and both of them are covered in mud, head to toe. I take Sydney in to clean her up, tell her she cant go back outside, go to retrieve Zach and he refused. He begins to scream at the top of his lungs while trying to hit me and stating very clearly he doesn't want to come in now. So I decided, fine, let him play. After arguing with Sydney some more about not going outside, I go to check on Zach. He has torn down an entire panel of fence because he wanted the dog to be able to through it. Luckily it is just a piece of fence for landscaping, not for keeping the yard enclosed. But a mess nonetheless. My fiance came home from work and had to go back out to pick up Emma from daycare. When they returned she starts running around squealing, Sydney wants her to come in and play, she doesn't want to, they start arguing. Sierra has returned from her friends and wants her dad to take her and her friend to church. He agrees but that means that he has to leave again. Meanwhile the kids are arguing, screaming and carrying on, the puppy has just been covered in mud, I still have to figure out whats for dinner and my fiance leaves to take the girls to church. At the end of the evening, after bathing Zach, ordering pizza and putting in a movie, things finally settle down. We tucked the kids into bed, kissed their little heads and settled into the sofa for a movie. During the madness, I snapped at my fiance a bit. Only because I was so frustrated at everything else. But when we finally snuggled into bed, all was well. We kissed, we hugged, I rolled over, he wrapped his arms around me like every night, and we fell asleep. That is waht love really is.

Another day, another appointment...

Had to take Zachary to a doctor appointment yesterday with his pediatric neurologist. He just had an appointment 2 weeks ago, but the doc refused to renew his prescriptions because he was waiting on the school to send him some information. Turns out the school is waiting on him to run new tests on Zach and he is waiting for them to do the same thing. It really frustrates me that everyone wants to pass the buck to someone else. As I stated before, Zachary is Autistic. His autism is the high functioning type but he is extremely hyper and impulsive. So he desperately needs his meds to maintain a level of calm. He currently takes 15mg Adderall and 5mg Clonidine. But without these meds, he literally bounces off of the walls. So the doctor wrote new prescriptions but reminded us that we need to stand up to the school and make them test Zachary again, make them offer summer school of some sort and make them implement some potty training assistance for him. It is law that they provide these things and just because they don't have it available right now, doesn't mean that they can keep putting him off. The doctor gave us the name and number of an advocate to help us push harder. I gave Zachs daddy the information since he has more funds to pay her with than me. Hopefully, he wont procrastinate too long in calling her. One of his biggest faults is procrastination. So we left the doctors office, prescriptions in hand, ready to fight the schools another day. Zachy loves school for the most part, and he does pretty well with alot of redirection. At the moment, he has a part time aide in the class room to help keep him focused. He is incredibly intelligent and can read some words on sight. But he has a difficult time with socialization and turn taking. He is not potty trained and still wears a pull up to school. Sometimes his teacher can convince him to go potty, but he generally doesn't make it. I have been called to the school numerous times to change him, and numerous times he has come off the bus with dried up feces stuck to his bottom and his bottom is raw because they have been there so long. I have complained numerous times that someone needs to be checking him often, but they have every excuse why they cant do that. He isnt affected by having gone potty in his pants, he doesn't notice it. He will wear wet pants all day if you dont make him change. And he only complains about a bowel movement after it starts to hurt. We have tried everything to potty train him, but the truth is, it has to be an issue for him before he will learn. My main concern for hinm right now is that he is going into 1st grade next year and kids will notice the pull up and begin to shun or tease him. And the school hasn't made any changes to his IEP to make sure he is in a special class so that this doesn't happen. So we will call the advocate, maybe she can make something positive happen for him.

Let's see, I have 6 children from 3 previous marriages and my fiance' has 3 children from his previous 12 year marriage. My children are Ashlei-19, Brandon-18, Alex-16, Cheyenne-11, Zachary-5.5 and Sydney-3.5. His children are Sierra-10.5, Logan-9 and Emma-3. My oldest child is getting married May 17, to her high school sweetheart of 5 years, Nate. They are expecting their first child, a girl, on June 24. My oldest son just enlisted in the US Army and leaves tomorrow for basic training in Louisville, KY. He has never been away from home so it is definately going to be interesting. Alex, my 16 year old son, has difficulty in school, very few friends and is currently recieving counseling to build his self esteem. Neither of the 2 oldest sons has a drivers license because they lack motivation. Which is why I am thrilled that Brandon joined the Army. Cheyenne is my most normal child, for the lack of a better way to describe her. She is however very gullable and a bit ditzy. Zachary was diagnosed with Autsim at age 2.5 and has shown great improvement since going to public school. However, he is still not potty trained, suffers from extreme bouts of hyperactivity, eats a very limited menu and doesn't sleep well. I will get more into that later. And last but not least is Sydney. She was a preemie born at 29 weeks gestation. She has come a long way but she is a handful. My fiance's children are all good kids. The oldest has the whole drama queen thing covered and his son is a bit spoiled, but good kids nonetheless. As I stated earlier, I have been married 4 times, 3 times that produced wonderful children. I am planning to marry again and although most think I cam crazy, or maybe he is crazy, I actually believe this is the one that will last all times and things. I will be glad to explain where my previous marriages went wrong as time goes by. I have no regrets, but I have learned alot of lessons and hope that through this blog I maight be able to help someone out who happens to be in a similar situation. I have been through marriage, divorce, children, special needs children, abuse, alchoholism, step children, teenage drama queens, child support, custody battles, and so much more. I am onlhy 36 but I have lived a lifetime. Along with everything else, I have also had many medical issues. For example, I have had 4 spinal surgeries, knee surgery and am currently awaiting a coccyxectomy(sp?). I suffer from fibromyalgia and mild depression. But believe it or not, I am truly a happy woman at this point in my life.